come on bartender...just a little more tender

I think we'll always be in contact. We have been in touch for this long, 15 years. I guess we'll just see how things pan out. Maybe it will work out.

where are the folding funnels?

http://www.wiley.com/legacy/college/boyer/0470003790/animations/protein_folding/protein_folding.htm

I went to see the new X-Files movie today. It was alright. It reminded me a lot of earlier episodes, in which the main focus was the actual case. But there was still a fair share of personal drama. I guess Moulder and Scully are together? And what happened with the info that was released in the last film? The global conspiracy? Where do we stand?

Anyway, there was a trailer for this movie, Babylon A.D. Throughout the entire trailer, the only music playing was the title song from Requiem for a Dream. That's all I could think about the entire time I was watching it. It's the exact same song. I don't understand how that's allowed. But I love that music.

pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light

I really hope things are different this time. I feel like maybe I deserve it. Maybe. Don't I?

something interesting

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/15/science/15tier.html?pagewanted=2&ei=5070&en=00d756ac7c85f4ac&ex=1216785600&emc=eta1

Interesting article that a friend of mine emailed me about the potential for Title IX in science. At Jewell I think that there isn't too much discrimination in the BIO/CHEM departments and most students are actually female. I do believe there is some sexism on the part of a few faculty members. It's frustrating, but manageable I guess.

Personally, the only time I've experienced this kind of discrimination was at camp. Some of our male staff had a problem with me being in charge. I hate to be that person who just assumes that it's sexism because I'm a woman, but there was no other explanation. They listened to other males, but would blatantly ignore instructions that I gave them.

I'm not sure this type of problem will ever be solved. This article points out that some of these measures will actually make things worse and I couldn't agree more. I think there needs to be a balance of men and women in most fields of work (but with equal pay). I don't know what to do to make that happen, but hopefully someone does.

i might be a big fish in a little pond.

I'm feeling quite stuck right now. I'm at the proverbial crossroads.

I don't want to go home. I want to stay in KC right now. Be with my friends, feel like I have a purpose, like I have things to do. I want to go away to graduate school in Chicago. Carve out something for myself there. Maybe move there for good. I want to travel the world. I've set my goal to step foot on every continent and I'm aching to get started.

But, my family is still in St. Louis/St. Charles. And I love my family. I couldn't live without them in my life. They are my rock. I want to be around to continue to get closer to my sister and be a great role model for my niece and nephew (who's also my godson). I want to be there for them when they need me. I want to teach them things about the world that they won't learn in school or from a book. I want to see them growing, not through pictures, but with my eyes. And I want to be there for my mom as she starts the next phase of her life. I owe her everything.

I guess the dilemma is that they are the only reason for me to stay in that area. I don't see a lot of job potential, or even potential for my own life. When I'm home and not with family, I feel a little useless and empty. Something holds me back there, and prevents me from doing what I want. It's like baggage. I don't understand it. Even when I work it only feels like a temporary distraction.

I don't know what to do. I need to find a balance, but I'm not sure what that means.

Now I'm going to celebrate this remarkable day of Independence with beer and explosives.

first one

Hooray. I think I have too many of these things to count now. What's one more? Hopefully I'll remember to stick with this one and put up pictures and articles and stuff. Guess I'll find out.

I'm still in KC right now; I'm sticking around for the 4th. We never do anything at home for the holiday anyway. Saturday I'm heading home for the remainder of the summer. I guess it'll be ok. I'll be making money and hanging out with my growing family. Tyler's baptism is the first weekend in August and I can't wait to be a godmother!

There are several friends that I probably won't see for a long time after tomorrow. That really makes me sad, so I'm trying not to think about it.

I read in an article yesterday that city workers in Birmingham are going to shorten their work week down to four days in order to save energy. It's an interesting idea, but I don't think I fully understand.

I leave you with Demetri Martin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HimlGFmKx0g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTsnDlpmE4w&feature=related