Thursday, February 25, 2010

a mellow good time

I'm officially going to Mizzou. I decided last week and am just waiting on the official paperwork from the school. Wowza.

Tomorrow morning I'm leaving for Espana. I'm sooo excited! And a little nervous because I haven't really traveled by myself, or without someone more experienced. BAH!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

april 17, 2009

I've started wondering if there is a breed of people who are love-observers. They are people who see love all around them: dear friends, close family, even other couples, etc. But they don't have romantic love in their own lives. They can let the love of others fill them up and as such they don't realize they're lacking. On those rare days when they do, it can devastating for approximately 24 hours. Then they see the rest of the love out there and are happy once again.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

ashes of american flags

Sometimes I feel lame because I typically only write stuff here about what happens in my life. I usually don't write much that is thought-provoking. It's just episodes from my fairly mundane life. I save that other stuff for my real journal. No offense. I'm just terribley afraid of being judged.

Since I got the disclaimer out of the way, here's the latest headline: I GOT AN OFFER FOR GRAD SCHOOL FROM MIZZOU! There are no words to express how happy I am. Happy isn't even the emotion for the's more akin to complete and utter joy. But that might not actually capture it either.

I just feel so validated. Like I have a direction again. I think these past 8 months have been the hardest in my life so far. And I really mean that. After all of my disappointments, I was seriously losing my focus and my sense of self.

I think this was all meant to be. I think I need a radical shift in my outlook on life and that is definitely what this time out of college has done. Despite the fact that I am going back into the school environment, I will not be looking through the same glasses (quite literally since I have a new prescription).

I'm bad at coming up with the words to explain all of this at the moment. I'm a little better at it in person.

On a lighter note, it blows my mind that in just a few months I will be on track to get my PhD. Oh yeah, that's right, my PhD. Charles what now? I can't believe that when I come through this I'll be Dr. Collins. While this is all good and exciting, I'm having a little trouble keeping it in check. I'm finding myself wanting to tell people that I got in to school, just so they think I'm smart...which is not a healthy path to start.

I have an interview at KU in a few weeks. I don't really want to go. I just want to move to Columbia tomorrow. Oh and I'm going to a little country called Spain in two weeks and two days.