Friday, March 19, 2010

can't stand it

So, it's time for a real post.

Yesterday I got my 'Welcome to Columbia' packet via FedEx. It has apartment guides and a directory for services in Columbia. I'm feeling so conflicted. In the middle. So happy. And unhappy. I am so excited to get back to school and move to Columbia...start something new, etc. After so much rejection, it feels good to have this kind of validation. But, I'm sad too. I hate leaving things. Endings. Goodbyes. I know that this is really dramatic because honestly I'm moving in between the two most important cities to me. But still.

I have been blessed beyond measure by Jacob's Well. The people there have been warm and welcoming. Encouraging and supportive. I know I've only had friends there for about 6 months, but these friendships are already very dear to me. At JW I have been challenged intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. My faith has grown exponentially. Which is great, but it makes me nervous. I'm afraid that I won't find that in Columbia. And if I don't find it, I'm afraid what will happen to that growth. I know that church does not equate spirituality, but I'm nervous that without the people to support and encourage...I don't know what will happen, but can't imagine it'd be good.

I know for sure that I am ready to leave my job. I'm honestly starting to really dislike it. For a variety of reasons, but I'm just ready to be finished. It's a lot like senioritis, especially since I know I'm getting ready to move on to something I'm passionate about.

So, I started reading Blue Like Jazz recently. Honestly I went into it thinking I was going to hate it. Not sure why exactly, but that's how I felt. It has completely surpassed any of my previous judgements. I can't put it down anymore. It has caused me to really reflect on the mission of my life and I've been realizing a lot of new things. No offense, but those are subjects for my private journal. Just note that I would now recommend it.

I can't stop listening to Wilco. I'm mean, I've been listening to them regularly since high school, but lately there has been some kind of new quality about them that I just can't get enough of. It's rediscovery at it's finest. Not only do I love the music itself, but the lyrics really mean something to my life right now. They are the kind of lyrics that you get, but don't really understand at the same time. That doesn't really make sense, but it's the only way for me to describe it.

I'm completely in love with golden raisins and avocados. I've been putting them on everything. But not together.

1 comment:

K-Bird said...

I'm excited for you! It sounds like you're in an amazingly refreshing place right now. You're right though about church not equating spirituality. Sometimes we need to stand on our own for a while to see what we're made of :)