Wednesday, February 10, 2010

ashes of american flags

Sometimes I feel lame because I typically only write stuff here about what happens in my life. I usually don't write much that is thought-provoking. It's just episodes from my fairly mundane life. I save that other stuff for my real journal. No offense. I'm just terribley afraid of being judged.

Since I got the disclaimer out of the way, here's the latest headline: I GOT AN OFFER FOR GRAD SCHOOL FROM MIZZOU! There are no words to express how happy I am. Happy isn't even the emotion for the's more akin to complete and utter joy. But that might not actually capture it either.

I just feel so validated. Like I have a direction again. I think these past 8 months have been the hardest in my life so far. And I really mean that. After all of my disappointments, I was seriously losing my focus and my sense of self.

I think this was all meant to be. I think I need a radical shift in my outlook on life and that is definitely what this time out of college has done. Despite the fact that I am going back into the school environment, I will not be looking through the same glasses (quite literally since I have a new prescription).

I'm bad at coming up with the words to explain all of this at the moment. I'm a little better at it in person.

On a lighter note, it blows my mind that in just a few months I will be on track to get my PhD. Oh yeah, that's right, my PhD. Charles what now? I can't believe that when I come through this I'll be Dr. Collins. While this is all good and exciting, I'm having a little trouble keeping it in check. I'm finding myself wanting to tell people that I got in to school, just so they think I'm smart...which is not a healthy path to start.

I have an interview at KU in a few weeks. I don't really want to go. I just want to move to Columbia tomorrow. Oh and I'm going to a little country called Spain in two weeks and two days.

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